of twists and turns.

Vagueness

2011-11-10T15:30:00.002+08:00

When I was a kid (which seems to be eons ago) I remember being separated with my family in a charity fair. Went straight to the parking lot and calmly waited next to dad’s Toyota– that was my logic as a 6-year-old. Nothing to be proud of but I grew up like that. My favorite line of all times ‘Mom, don’t worry. I know what I’m doing.’

But today, I was on the train sipping my caffeine drawing maps in my head and it all ended up a bundle of nothings. And it hit me- I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what to do. I have one life and I get to live once, and the feeling that time is running out doesn’t help.

Is money all that matters? Do you live just to fit in? There has to be something greater but what is it?

Sucks :(

The day an angel was born.

2011-09-13T01:39:00.007+08:00

Dear Xue Neng Sweeheart,

You are 23 years old today.

Thank you for being my soulmate, best friend and lover. (Nescafe 3 in 1 hehehe)

Just wanna say I love you because you first loved who I am even if that means I am disgusting like this.

P/s: Intended to make this a romantic post. #fail

All that's left.

2011-07-12T21:02:00.002+08:00

"I watched the clouds drifting away

Still the sun can't warm my face

I know it was destined to go wrong

You were looking for the great escape

To chase your demons away"

Within Temptation - Forgiven

Inspired

2011-05-16T23:54:00.006+08:00

As I rummage through old, dusty posts of mine, I’m amazed how things have turned out. Words I’ve said, feelings felt, things done, they all seem long, long time ago.

I used to blog because I take my own sweet time digging out how I really feel; nowadays I just brush it off. Let bygones be bygones, that’s what they say. Am more optimistic towards life? Or is it because I’ve seen through the vanity of the world?

Promise I won’t be gone too long this time :)

With love x

So far so good

2010-09-28T09:39:00.006+08:00

Life’s good so far.

I’m in love with this man.

I wouldn’t say my life wasn’t complete without him.

I will never say my life is perfect now with him.

Well lets put it this way, my life now is filled with so much joy&bliss because I have a man who’s willing to do things I ~~command~~ ask just to make me happy.

Like....................

................randomly pose with a cereal box early in the morning.

LOL Love, if you’re reading this- this is for ignoring me the other day when I asked you whether you wanna eat my dead skin cells or not xoxo

Swallow

2010-05-06T02:59:00.003+08:00

I miss those happy days. Days, when we were really happy from deep within; when our smiles portray what’s lying beneath. I miss those carefree days, after all the world is still too crazy for us to explore.

Amongst all, I miss being naïve.

Remember we used to fix broken relationships/friendships? We used to write letters to convey messages from our hearts. Some others chose to be involved in a violent way to settle it once and for all. It doesn’t matter which how what, at the end of the day it’s all about expressing discomfort.

But somehow in the process of growing old, we decide to keep things to ourselves. We learn that some things are better left unsaid; some words are meant to be kept.

Don’t you just wish you’ve ingested the never-grow-up pills Santa gave on your 5^th birthday instead?

Life of a loner

2010-04-29T02:51:00.003+08:00

Gone are the dissertation days. No more 3 hours-sleep; no more late night binging; no more canned food/instant noodles. 1 more assignment, 2 more exams and then I’m stress free!

I was woken up at 4 am in the morning, nature’s call ah. Ha-ha! And I couldn’t get back to sleep after that so I went for a jog at 6 in the morning, I needed to get some thoughts outta my mind. Too bad I had to come home early, it started to drizzle and the 11˚C wind spin my head ~~right round right round when you go down when you go down down.~~

There, quayside. I moved so this place’s 10 minutes away from my new nest. The famous river stretching along Newcastle Upon tyne, lovely isn’t it? :) (Note: Pic taken 2 years ago hence the sunset)

Alright peeps, gotta start my 1500-words antibody assignment which is due in less than 24 hours.

xoxo

Good news!

2010-04-15T04:55:00.000+08:00

So I’ve decided to un-privatized my blog. I’m a woman with hormones. Figure that out Hah!

Life’s been good. I moved and got a job. Ask me out for a cuppa coffee for more updates ;) I love being busy, it keeps me busy wtf

I’m back people, coz I love you guys enough to want to let you know how I’m doing especially when I’m across mountain across sea (过山过海) apart from you all.

Loves!

Agony

2010-03-21T09:48:00.004+08:00

I’m sorry for the lack of updates. It has been only a while yet it feels so long. This never-ending torture called life. I’m still trying to catch a breath under these piling journals and lab practical. Life cannot be any less dramatic. Sometimes I feel like screaming and crying out loud (plus banging), just like my neighbor who torments me mentally by doing so almost everyday. I’m sort of affected, got woken up a couple of times at 8 am (when I have to wake up at 8.40 am for my 9.30 am class. Annoying, no?). I’m not complaining, overall she’s nice to me. One day she asked, Vivian, do you think my life will turn out fine? That drained my brain juice, her issues with parents and a cheating boyfriend. Life.

Aside from that, the issue with my landlords- the priest and the lady chaplain is yet another pain in the ass. We just realized our parents cannot stay here when they come for our graduation (Why? Because he doesn’t like it; just like that). He doesn’t care whether your parents are from outside of Britain, that the folks know no shits bout here or whether they are fluent in English or not. What else can be done? He just doesn’t like our parents here. Speaking of which, I read a psychology site and it says this is probably guilt talking. To summarize the lengthy story, he cheated Melanie’s (Malaysian friend) £100 deposit. Since then, he never stopped picking bones from an egg (Chinese proverb). I’ve always asked God Why? Why among all places you put me in a chaplaincy to learn hypocrisy and racism? And then I realized, it is His way of teaching me how to be graceful, even to those whose knowledge in bible is 10 folds of mine, to those who frequent the holy place ~~as much as I frequent the kitchen for food.~~ He has His way; I just need to keep having faith. Mel’s right, never lose your ground and your beliefs.

And then there's bits of here and chunks of there. I'm sinking into depression. :(

The weather’s been crazy. I went for a jog the other day when it was 10 ˚C. It was lovely. No worries no nothings. The only thing I could feel was my pounding heart, nothing else. I felt so much alive.

On the other note, if a relationship started with hurting others, your relationship will never last. NEVER.

Sneak peek

2010-02-22T09:13:00.001+08:00

School of Applied Sciences

Congratulations, you’ve made it to the final round!

Your prize is ......... a picture of me in my new hair-cut.

School of Applied Sciences

C’mmon it’s a good day!

Laugh a bit eh..?

...Anyone?

Hi!

2010-02-18T07:50:00.004+08:00

I'm privatizing my blog for some personal reasons.

So leave me a comment if you want to be added to the list. Or you could also drop me an email at v_viantan@hotmail.com ~~if you secretly love me and you're too shy.~~

Bye!

So,yeah.

2010-01-31T03:38:00.005+08:00

The other day when I was broke (still am), I thought of ways to earn at least a few pennies. It’s not possible for me to find a job now that I’m in my final year. Then the bulb-thing-in-my-head-shone and I thought,Why not I sign up for Nuffnang?

Being a thinker as I am, I couldn’t help but wonder- What does it take to be a good blogger? How does it feel like to have your feelings expose to the world? ~~What if I get famous?~~

So I came out with a list of the characteristics of some famous bloggers just to check if I’m eligible :

1. Brilliant English with the thick British accent. Haiya, my English like this. I bet a primary six student can write better. How lah sign up for Nuffnang..laugh die people.

2. Beautiful face/sexy body. Dawn Yang. Cheesie. Pinkpau. ....... I feel so ugly right now. Really.

3. A life that people would die for. Kinky Blue Fairy and her job. Suet Lee and her boyfriend.

4. Good sense of humor- Kenny Sia.

Despite failing miserably all of above, I loaded the page and Voila!It says my email address already exists (And I thought email addresses are unique like your fingerprints?)

Maybe, just maybe its God’s way of saying- You’re trying too hard.

Bye Narnia,Hello Newcastle.

2010-01-13T04:05:00.003+08:00

I don’t know who else reads my blog, but if you do, you must either bored or have nothing else to do.wtf.

Anyway, I’m back from my Christmas vacation- 7 cities in 17 days. What a journey! I’ll pen down the details some time, not now but soon.

And if you’re unaware of it, Britain was in deep freeze. The black and white sight outside my window was depressing. But over the week the weather’s improving and the snow’s starting to melt! Hooray!

Ok, till the next post, ta!

P/s: I miss blogging.